Burly Movies: ZOMBIELAND

ZOMBIELAND is kind of false advertising. When I think of a zombie, I think of a slow, shambling Romero zombie. Of course the remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD a few years ago moronically suggested zombies can run, jump, do all kinds of neat frenetic sh*t. Boring and stupid barely covers it. Anyway, even movies involving mindless flesh-craving maniacs, like the excellent 28 WEEKS LATER, who live only to spread their virus, has been classified as a "zombie flick."

Complaining gets us nowhere in the current culture. I won't call viral outbreak movies "zombie" movies, since a zombie is technically dead and "infected" people aren't dead. If someone was really clever, they'd make a movie about what happens when infected maniacs fight Romero zombies. That'd be kind of cool.

See, the running zombie will never frighten me. It's like making a movie about vampire teddy bears. It's ridiculous unless you're afraid of such things already. Since logically there should never be a running zombie, I guess I find them hard to take seriously.

Romero's zombies, of course, creep. They are easily escaped from by another who can run fast and far. Except there are a lot of Romero zombies, and they never stop creeping. Eventually they always catch up, because you have to rest, you have to sleep, you have to forage for food. And they'll creep up, and sooner or later they'll drag you down. Not only that, but one of them will probably be your dead old dad or your toddler. You'll know their name, which you get to scream while they feast on your intestines.

That's what scares the crimson butter out of me about Romero zombies. It's all contextual and social and, well, horrific.

Which brings us to ZOMBIELAND, which is a comedy. I didn't see this until recently despite being drawn to zombies of all types, Italian and Japanese and you name it. I fear the "zombie comedy" in the wake of SHAUN OF THE DEAD, which respected the sub-genre while still telling a smart, funny story. ZOMBIELAND doesn't fall into that category, since it isn't about zombies. It's about people infected by a virus, who develop into maniacal cannibals.

Which is keen. I can deal with cannibals, even cannibals who are called zombies even though a zombie can't be a "cannibal" any more than a shark can be a fisherman. They may both eat the same thing, but they aren't remotely the same species. Not when one of them are dead. Cannibalism is a conscious desire to eat human flesh. Zombies are driven by a mysterious primitive urge buried in their dim recesses.

The cannibals in ZOMBIELAND, like many in these "running zombie" times, lack "personality." With the creeping zombie you have a chance to identify the zombie by his clothing, his skin color, or the way he was killed. This is how you get "characters" like Clown Zombie and Butcher Zombie and whatever Social Caste Zombie you want to put forth. You can individualize the zombie within the mass of flesh-eaters, providing some kind of sad identification between the audience and that monster. The realization: the monster is us.

There's nothing like that in ZOMBIELAND, but you do get a comedy which plays off the new cultural recognition of the "zombie" tropes and pratfalls. You get a story that plays like a deft, self-conscious discussion about how great it would be if human beings turned into monsters. Because in that world, any man is king of his own fate. The choices are your own. There is an ideal of freedom in taking what you want, taking what you can carry, and taking what has always been denied you. That might be self-respect, or a new car, or a particularly hot girl who'd never have anything to do with you otherwise. But it would be good to be king, even in an imposed cannibal hell.