Three for Thursday: Burly Dames

Angie Dickinson doesn't count as part of the three. She's the spearhead.

Comic book covers, pulp magazine covers, movie posters, ads, photography, who doesn't love a dame? We're lucky that the men of yesterday captured them with such aplomb.

Burly Living: Six Projects DC Comics Needs Working On

http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/2010/06/six-by-6-by-sixth-gun-cullen-bunns-six-nostalgic-dream-projects/#more-47120

Above is a question to a current comic book professional about the Six Nostalgic Projects he'd undertake in comics if given a free hand.

Because I always love an excuse to write about what I want to write, in much the same manner, I'll follow suit. My projects, in order of basic import and improbability of ever having the opportunity:

Dr. Occult: http://www.toonopedia.com/droccult.htm

Read the above for Don Markstein's great summation. This character was created by the dudes who created Superman. That right there is worth looking into. He carries around a mystic talisman, has a cool hat, his two fists, and probably an ex-wife or two somewhere.

Like most great characters, "Dr. Occult" is just that. He hasn't a secret identity. He's a supernatural private eye. He's the first supernatural investigator, and we've had no shortage of those over the years, peaking with Kolchak "the Night Stalker" for 1970s television and bastardized by "The X-Files" later. Still, I'd jump all over an ongoing series using a two-fisted PI who can kick ass in the real world and on the astral plane as well. Kind of like Doctor Strange, but without the suave. A 1930s PI character fighting microscopic demons, bleeding heart social workers, Neanderthal undead, and at one point trapped on Dinosaur Island, you'll love Dr. Occult. Plus he allows for the inclusion of other obscure characters like Prince Ra-Man and the G.I. Robot. Trust me.

Space Ranger:  for one thing, he was designed in the 1950s by the great Bob Brown, an artist who is criminally unknown today. For another, he's almost predominantly yellow in space-age cool, meaning he could dust off a Green Lantern with no trouble. He's a tough outer space dude who uses all kinds of slick 1950s-type weapons and his dukes to fix little red wagons. The way I think about him, he's cooler than most science fiction heroes since he's a regular joe who has to depend on his science to survive. He also has his own shapeshifter Girl Friday, who is like Maya on the 1970s "Space 1999" show who could become a variety of cool animals and alien creatures. Figuring too that Ultraa the Ultra-Alien will be heavily featured, and the stories basically as Harlan Ellison would have written them, and I think Space Ranger is full on frontal awesome.

Metamorpho the Element Man: the first time I knew about this character, I was a kid who had bought a two-sided 45 rpm record with one side a Plastic Man adventure "The Invasion of the Plastic Men" and on the other Metamorpho versus "Fumo the Fire Giant." I don't care how you slice it, I never forgot Rex Mason, the Element Man, saying, "Oh Yeah?Here. Try this...Cobalt Fist! Unf!"

Rex is another tragic hero. He was an Indiana Jones type cursed by an alien artifact buried in an Eygptian tomb, transformed into a being made up of the known elements. Needless to say, the resultant bad complexion and odd fact of not being human any more was really unfortunate. As such, Rex uses acerbic humor and his own good nature to combat freakish depression. He's been kicking around comics since the 1960s, mostly as a member of other superhero teams. I've simply always loved Rex Mason, and I think he would work really well in a "buddy comic" instead. Like the old POWER MAN AND IRON FIST comic or CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THE FALCON.

The best partner? Read below.

Wildcat: Ted Grant, the ex-heavyweight boxing champion of the world who got framed for murder and became a costumed hero, is simply one of the great characters ever. He's the epitome of the Burly Man, he's non-PC, he's arrogant and he's misogynist. He's also an "old guy", somewhere in his 50s. He's trained Batman on boxing. He's knocked out a young Muhammed Ali. He has a motorcycle with a giant cat face on the front of it. He was cool in the 1940s and he's cool now.

The problem with Wildcat over the years is that he's been written "old." He's a retired superhero with tenure. Any story that Ted Grant is involved in invariably involves boxing. I realize every hero needs a schtick, but Wildcat can do much more. If you figure Ted will probably be a drinking hunk who punches first and never asks questions, you'll have it right. Just because he's in his 50s doesn't mean he can't bring it. Charles Bronson was 55 years old when he made HARD TIMES.

Anyway, WILDCAT AND THE ELEMENT MAN sounds like a television pilot from the 1970s, starring George Peppard and Darren McGavin. Which is as it should be. This counts as one project here, just so you know.

SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE/ "Golden Age" Sandman: Wesley Dodds is an amateur detective who looks like Mr. Limpet (below) and battles crime by sneaking around and knocking criminals right the f*ck out with a sleeping gas gun.

He's another hero from the 1940s, but I'm interested in bringing him into the modern era. Much as I'd like to leave him in the 1930s, Wesley simply merits the cool of being a different kind of vigilante in our world. His insulated intellect, his gas-mask covered features, his gloved fists, indicate how Wesley is removed from society while obsessed with what is infecting it: human evil, victimization, rape, torture, murder. The Sandman finds those responsible and his sleeping gas causes all kinds of freaky hallucinations that just don't go away overnight. You can be assured, if Wesley blasts you, you're never going to sleep without nightmares again. Which is probably one of the most hardcore punishments out there, isn't it? Imagine it. Imagine the psychological impact. Who wouldn't kill themselves to escape the mists of the Sandman?

The Doom Patrol:  the first time a superhero team was ever killed outright in their own comic, it was the 1960s and writer Arnold Drake and artist Bruno Primiani decided to end it all for the Fabulous Freaks. Ever since, the team, revitalized from death after almost four decades, has seen its good days and bad. Mostly though, it's been a tribute to the weirdness of the original series and the unfortunate need to keep the DP smothered in bizarreness that has been both a strength and weakness for the comic.

The best DP stories work when the living brain trapped in a robot body, the woman who can shrink to ant-size or grow to King Kong-size, and the man who has a radiation being inside of him and is cursed as a walking atomic pile, and their weird enemies are all contrasted against the mundane. They fight an alien invasion in a gas station, defend a nursery school from giant ferrets, they solve a murder mystery in a full baseball stadium. To me, and I'm just saying, I belive the Doom Patrol to be the greatest example of pure iconic story-telling, because there's no limit to where they can go or what they can do.

Hawkman: there may be no character more intriging to so many, who feel the urge to change everything about him until he is universally reviled and is quickly shunted off to cancellation. Or, worse, having Hawkgirl replace him in his own comic.

Carter Hall is an archaologist who may or may not be reincarnated throughout the ages. He has memories of past lives and he is skilled at ancient weaponry, like cestus and the all-mighty mace. To me, trying too hard to fit all of Hawkman's history into his character is stupid. He's a guy who uses a hawk avatar and knows how to beat ass with weapons people have never seen before.

If it's me, I put Carter Hall into some kind of strange Dinosaur Island type place where he's constantly fighting six-armed burning gorillas and invaders from other dimensions. Essentially, Hawkman would gather up some local color and turn into the Herculoids (above.)

If that doesn't seem cool, I just don't know what would.

Note: All "Microheroes" property of their respective creators. I do love some Microheroes, man.